I never watch Jeopardy unless I need to make myself feel smart by answering a few easy questions. Today, I felt dumb as a brick, so I heated up the ol’ Toshiba looking for a few free ego points. That is how I met Leonard Cooper, the adorable afro’d mini-megabrain.
Tonight was the premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, the fifth cycle of RuPaul’s Drag Race, different from the others because the only competitors are queens who have walked the runway on previous cycles and went home without snatching trophies. Let us predict what the queens have in store for us this season.
I had MTV2 on in the background purely by chance, because I generally can’t deal with the loads of horseshit that come out of music networks. Because of VH1, MTV, and the like, we all have to deal with syphilitic reality stars infecting our television sets. They need to invent condoms for flatscreens, seriously. I was playing solitaire and trying to figure out which brilliant mind decided arbitrarily on thirteen cards for each suit. I thought back in the days cards were invented, people thought the number thirteen was out to get them. Like if you turned thirteen some specter would start throwing rocks through your windows. Thirteen place settings at a table meant all your food would turn into horse manure. The thirteenth’s floor of any hotel always had the nastiest bed sheets, so they made people forget it existed. But anyway, I happened to catch Childish Gambino in one of the corner squares, and seeing as Donald Glover is brilliant at just about everything, I started paying attention. What I discovered is an enjoyable treat.